I wrote this story exactly one year ago. It was the first time I had really taken a trip or “vacation” fully alone. Once I arrived I remember thinking, I needed more of it. An endless amount of time to be alone, to flow and connect with nature. Suddenly it felt like there could never be enough. Like I had this endless void inside of me, craving to be filled by only that which can come from solitude.
I now find myself traveling the world on a solo journey and I owe a lot of it to the courage that was cultivated during that first week in Northern Michigan. The cultivation of courage and trust when things don’t go as planned.
My home set the foundation for all that was to come in the next year. And it started in nature.
I arrived up north for a time of solitude in nature by the Lake. I could hardly wait to be by the water. I had it all planned out, I would spend every moment on the shore doing all of my favorite things: yoga, dancing, reading, etc. This would surely be what I need to soothe the anxiety that comes from life’s transitions.
When I arrived, I discovered nature had other plans for me. The time of year birthed influxes of Mayflies, covering every surface near the water and quickly filing my hair.
I first tried to talk to them, asking if we could share the space.
"Maybe you could hang out up near the trees and I can be down here?"
…No change.
So, feeling as if it was their space, I did some research and learned they are here for a short time, coming to life after two years underwater, playing an important role in the ecosystem. I decided to leave them to their time to shine and headed out for a secluded nature preserve nearby.
I made my way to a spot I know well, off the beaten path and I instantly heard the whisper to take off my clothes and let my skin breathe. I was surprised at first because the voice was persistent and quick.
Hesitantly, I began to peel off the layers that create a barrier between me and the wild world. Realizing that clothing once only served a utilitarian purpose and now it's a requirement, even if you're alone in nature. I looked around, checking for people & asking myself "What am I so afraid of?" There is nothing more natural than this.
As I allowed my breasts to be kissed by the sun, it hit me that they had not felt the sun since I was a little girl. Since it was socially acceptable. I began to dance and move and feel free. I felt my true beauty step forward. My connection to nature merged us into one.
I began to remember that my sensuality is the flowing water, the blooms, blossoms, and buds. My power is the sun, the rays, and the heat. My knowing is the tree that remains rooted, no matter the season. My body has dirt, bark, and bliss. I looked around and the words intuitively flowed from my lips, "My body is made of you, a reflection of your beauty."
And then the real truth hit that stopped me in my tracks.
"Every time I judge and disrespect my body, I disrespect nature."
I felt into that truth and promised to carry it with me.
I wonder if I would have experienced such a profound lesson had the Mayflies not been present and my day had gone as "planned".
May this be a drop of inspiration to let your skin breathe in the sweet sunlight.
xx, Lisa Marie